Dirty sexy secrets we don’t want you to know
My girlfriends and I were debating about sexy secrets (not Victoria secrets for once!) and other stuff, until it came to who is better at sleeping around: girls or guys? One friend said her guy would never sleep around on her. I asked her if she cheated on him and she said: “never”. When asked “what about kissing?”, she copped a fast “hell, yes!”.
I started wondering…
Men, you think you know us, and while this may be true about a myriad of assorted feminine things… do you ever wonder what we do (or are up to) when you’re away?
Dudes know so little about what we girls do together, in public and behind locked doors. Probably because they are doors we keep locked, so our sexy secrets remain secretly tucked away from our men.
What are they, these dirty little sexy secrets of ours?
Sexy Secret #1: We masturbate
(Don’t be shocked)
When the hubby’s away, or children off to sports or piano practice, we’re practicing a little self-indulgence. The hectic rigors of the day melt away when we can play with our secret “toy box”. Fingers are just fine for that, but vibrating sex toys are even better!
Matter of fact, we’ll play with our twats even when we’re aware you may be around still. We’ll pee in the tub too if we believe the coast is clear.
It’s why bathroom doors have locks.
Sexy Secret #2: Step Up or Go Home
Saying to us you don’t want kids – deal breaker! Child-bearing is a privilege to us. Like sex on the first date is to your brotherhood. We know what boys like. While you are thinking, ‘you wanna get laid,’ we’re doing CSIs, ”crucial sexy investigations”. We want to know if there is enough personal chemistry between us to warrant a second date. Or not. May be not so sexy, but that’s every girls secrets.
Sexy Secret #3: We like obsession with our beauty
Soaps, creams, depilatory devices, we use them all. A good facial scrub goes along way, but we really enjoy a good plucking. Yes, hairs or blemished that can be plucked from a chin, toes, those tiny moles on our titties and on the backs of our arms; well get them. Give us an ingrown hair and we’ll take it to task.
It may seem or sound strange, but it’s our thing.
Sexy Secret #4: We couldn’t care less how big your house is, or what kind of hoopty you drive unless you’re super-attentive to our needs
By “needs”, we mean our desires.
We look you directly in the eye when we’re “feeling” your vibe. We smile. We sometimes pay you a compliment.
You should be asking yourself: “How can I leverage more sexy-time with her?”
Know what we’ll show you? How to fuck. If you’re really cute, we may even show you how we like you to go down on us, and eat our pussy.
Sexy Secret #5: We go to gay clubs
Yeah that’s right. Our little pussies need fun every now and then, and not from your salivating, scruffy-rubbing male tongues. Don’t get us twisted, we love you, but we like a little fun. What better way to trick ourselves into female prowess than to “drop it like it’s hot”, at the club, with our gay male besties?
That’s right; we use our male (and very gay) friends to help get our inner “bad girl” off!
Maybe you’ve seen us? We’re the ones in groups of two, three, as many as eight or more, and we plow straight to the middle of the club, when it’s homosexual. A couple of sips of tequila or Vodka and were ready for more (of the gay persuasion). The guys come up to us (gay men are so freaky when they see us turning “sexual” on the dance floor) and bump and grind us like nobody’s business.
We love it.
Girls who travel in packs? Yes. We feel safe when we do. What makes us bask in the heat of the night is allowing ourselves to dance to pop music, hip-hop, and hardcore rap without being misjudged as “sluts.” Dancing with a gay or bi guy? It pumps our ego up a bit, yes. The truth, however, is we lead busy, busy lives, and it’s nice to have an excursion where we can express ourselves freely, and not feel pressured to sleep with a man, blow a man, or get blown by one…
…unless we call the shots.
Bartender drinks all around!
Sexy Secret #6: We want you to eat our pussy
All day. All night long, provided we do not have to feed the kids, finish our business reports, clean up the house, or whore for you. Hire us a maid, a butler, or regular maid service. Then get on your knees and lap us. No really. Eat us! So satisfying.
Sexy Secret #7: We aren’t thinking about you during sex
We’re sorry, we really are. However we do fantasize when we’re fucking. Only it’s not about you. We think about entering into decadent sexual soirees, being forced to perform sexual acts in a Sheik’s harem, riding an especially “jittery” amusement park ride, public sex, watching other men receive pleasure from diminutive treatments (we imagine you being restrained, trussed-up, a willing obedient servant, dominated). We’ll turn down the opportunity to “role play” if it suggests we’re more like the “good girl.”
We’re bad and naughty, boys. We simply won’t “say” we are naughty.
Thoughts of the weird and forbidden really get our honey flowing.
Sexy Secret #8: We don’t want to shave. We don’t want to wax even more!
If we could work the European philosophy of “natural” and au naturel, don’t think we wouldn’t opt for it. We’re fakers who’ll fake you out at every chance. We like our pretty pink pusses hairy, but we concede to peer-pressures. To be honest, we shave with the hope you’ll crave going down on us more. And you know now, we want you to …often!
Sexy Secret #9: We “smell” when we’re in love
Men are visual. We are senses-wired. We can’t wait to grab hold of your clothes and sniff, whiff, or breathe in your scent deeply. We sniff our panties and lingerie to discern if they’re clean, but we’ll smell your clothes, the pillow, or your bathing towel even more. If you ever spied us enjoying this, we’d shrink in horror, even now, at the mere thought of it.
Sexy Secret #10: Intimacy is our Achilles’ heel
There’s a reason why Harlequin and the romance writing biz rakes in millions. The stories remind us how much we want to be a femme fatale while still retaining our independence. When you leave for the day, we do miss you. We just welcome our alone time with ourselves more. Romance allows us to be without sacrificing our inner “me”. We also do not believe kissing another man is cheating. And if you were honest, you’d admit you want to see us seducing another man so you can watch his dick slip into our pussies. In short, drunkenness, flirting and kissing, are not considered as full-on cheating to us.
We are always happy to see you though when you come home; even when our private thoughts have been imperfectly saucy heretofore.
Bonus Sexy Secret: Technology is our other BFF
We scour emails, texting devices and social media (Facebook, LinkedIn) for the latest on our past lovers.
We realize our exes are over and done with, but with access to SMM so readily available to us, we seize the moment to peruse them and see their out-and-abouts. The love has passed, but our curiosity gets free reign, and we too want to know their sexy secrets.
Girls, if you are reading this, drop your own little dirty sexy secrets in the comments below. And guys, well, feel free to tell us what surprised you most!