You hear the word “domination” within the context of sex and you probably imagine a steely-eyed dominatrix in skin-tight black leather, wielding a whip, her sub strapped naked to a wall, begging her to smack him again and again. This scene is certainly a reality for some, but many men and women enjoy varying degrees of dominance/submission play in the comfort of their own bedrooms. While some might be hesitant at first to experiment with a little role reversal (the woman being the dominant partner, the man submissive), many couples find that this is exactly the element they’ve been looking for to spice up a stagnant sex life or to intensify an already steamy one.
Dominance/submission play is exciting and arousing for both partners. As the woman in charge, you’ll get off on calling the shots, while he’ll get to revel in the delicious suspense of what’s going to happen next. Even if your man has never outwardly expressed an interest in being dominated, chances are he’ll enjoy giving it a try. Sexual submission websites far are more popular among straight men than domination sites. Perhaps this indicates that “flipping to the other side may offer its own satisfactions precisely because it’s such a stark variant.”
So here are six tips for dominating your man and making sure he likes it!
1. Tie Him Up
Bondage is perhaps the most common type of dom/sub play and is a good place to start. It can be as intense or playful as you want it to be. But if you’ve never experimented with bondage before, perhaps start with just tying your lover’s hands behind his back. Make a game of kissing and tickling him while he wriggles under your touch. Or even better, tease him with a lap dance and see how bad he wants to break free to touch what he sees. But don’t let him! You decide when he gets to use his hands.
Next, try restraining him to the bed. Fuzzy handcuffs are the perfect combination of comfort and restraint. But there are plenty of things you have on hand that will do the trick just fine. Take a couple of your man’s neckties and use them to secure his wrists against the bedposts. To really make him feel like he’s yours for the taking, tie his feet too so that he’s spread eagle on the bed. Take a feather to his naked body, or straddle him so you can feel his cock getting hard underneath you. Then, when you are ready to give him what you know he wants, take him inside you while he’s still tied up.
2. Make Him Work for It
We women love to watch men hard at work. Whether they’re tuning up a car, replacing a leaky pipe, hauling lumber, or painting a room shirtless, one thing’s for sure — it’s a huge turn on to see them working with their hands, using all those muscles and getting covered in sweat. And your guy can’t pretend he doesn’t notice you watching from across the room.
So, why not make him do a little manual labor before bringing him to bed? Tell him if he wants any action from you he’ll have to earn it. Find a sweat-inducing chore that needs doing and set him to work. Maybe you’ve been meaning to rearrange the living room and he’s just what you need in a compliant servant. Maybe your garden is full of pesky weeds. Just imagine him out in the hot sun on his hands and knees, getting all dirty, sweat dripping from his brow.
It doesn’t even have to be physically demanding labor. The important thing is that he’s working for you. Tell him to draw you a bath or massage your feet. He’ll get the hint that things are bound to take a sexy turn, and he’ll find the challenge of pleasing you arousing.
Whatever you do, don’t ask. Just make it clear that you’re the boss and if he’s a good, obedient boy he’ll get a reward.
3. Play Dress Up
A little role-play is a fun way to experiment with domination/submission scenarios.
Pretending to be someone else can often free up any inhibitions you or your partner may have. While you would never in real life force a subordinate to pleasure you at work, your alter ego—a power-hungry executive known for her insatiable sexual appetite—has no problem forcing her male secretary to lick her to oblivion for his next promotion. And who knows, you just might unleash a secret fetish your honey has always been dying to tell you about.
There are countless options, but for real dom/sub fun, try to find a scenario in which your guy has to submit to you to get something he wants. Here are a couple of ideas to get you started:
Lady cop and inmate: Push him up against the wall and frisk him. Ask him if he’s packing heat as you brush your hand against his cock, then read him his Miranda rights, improvising a few naughty words and phrases.
Therapist and patient: Make him lie down and confess his most private fantasies, then tell him the only path toward inner peace involves giving you access to his piece.
4. Spank Him
Pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin, and when it comes to dominating your man, spanking is a great way to engage both sides. Start with just your hand—a swift swipe across his ass. Keep him guessing when the next spank will come. Spank him to motivate or playfully punish when he isn’t doing exactly what you want. Tell him he’s been a naughty boy and to get down on his hands and knees and beg for forgiveness. Next, consider moving on to love paddles or riding crops.
It might sound cruel, and some guys can’t handle it, but you might find that withholding sex for a period of time can be very erotic for both of you. It’s another way of enforcing the idea that you’re calling the shots. And you don’t have to go overboard, either. Withholding sex for a day or two is one thing, but more than a week or so of no sex might just aggravate both of you.
The key is what you’re doing in the meantime. Make sure you’re giving him all the signals that sex is definitely on the horizon. Wear your sexiest lingerie. Take bubble baths with the bathroom door open. Tell him he can kiss you all he wants, but that’s it. Then, when you decide the time is right, get ready for some really explosive sex!
6. Peg Him
There is perhaps nothing more dominating than penetrating another person. And being penetrated by your fella’s nice big cock—well, there’s nothing quite like it. And guess what? Your guy might enjoy being penetrated too. Just imagine riding your cowboy with a big pink strap-on dildo!
Of course, there are a few misconceptions to contend with here, namely the myth that only gay men like getting their back door serviced and that taking it up the ass is somehow un-masculine.
In reality, there is a lot that both partners can enjoy about role-reversing strap-on sex. Strap-on sex is about power and control. For men, it involves giving up those two things, but for women, it provides them with the chance to be completely in control. As more men learn to overcome their fears of anal penetration, strap-on sex and pegging are likely to grow increasingly popular.
While it might not be something many readily admit, most men enjoy a little butt play—whether it be a rim job or a finger or two. After all, the anus is one of our major erogenous zones. So if pegging is something you want to try with your man, maybe start with less intrusive butt-play and work your way up. It might take some time, but once your guy discovers the power of what is called the male G-Spot, don’t be surprised if he begs you to peg him some more.
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Just remember, regardless of how intense your dominance/submission sessions are meant to be, it’s always important to communicate with your partner and incorporate safe words or gestures.
But mostly, have fun and enjoy switching it up. And please do share your dom/sub escapades!